Friday Five: Ask A Mom (Part Three)

Happy Friday!! I cannot WAIT until the weekend. We have some fun stuff planned for Labor Day with the baby, including seeing my family! So wish us good luck with our first LONG carride with FW!

Today’s the last part in my interview with Reanna from The Last Mommy Blog (friend IRL). Don’t forget to read parts one and two – each week we’ve shared 5 questions and her answers. My answers for this week are found here.

This week’s 5 questions focus on confessions and reflections on being a mom.

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1. Confess without shame: What’s one thing you’ve screwed up as a mom so far?

There are so many things I wish I were better at, but I think that’s just the ubiquitous cloud of mom-guilt that follows every mom home from the hospital. The one thing I really am trying to be better about is not staring at my phone all the time. It’s been a really bad habit, and I keep having to remind myself I don’t want my baby’s memories of me to be looking down at a screen instead of at him.

2. What was the best advice you’ve gotten about motherhood?

I don’t remember where I first read it, and it’s so simple and not profound, but “Give it two weeks.” Whatever phase or struggle you’re going through that seems insurmountable and makes you feel defeated will feel like ancient history in no time. You’ll be on to the next challenge, and stronger for it.

3. What is something your husband is really good at, dad-wise?

He has really hit his stride as The Baby has gotten mobile and more playful. He’s great at getting The Baby laughing. He’s always been up for the baby care stuff, but I think has felt like second fiddle since I’ve been the primary food source since day one.

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4. Has motherhood changed your perspective on the world in any way?

I feel so hard for all mothers and babies now. I have always thought our maternity leave policies (or lack thereof) in this country were unfair, but now I feel they’re downright cruel. I took The Baby to a restaurant when he was a few months old and our waitress told me she had a two-week old at home and I wanted to stuff piles of money in both her hands, scoop her up, drive her home and tuck her and her baby into bed. It is appalling to me that we are failing families in this way.

5. Have you read any parenting books? Any recommendations? Any discussion about how they make you feel like drinking because you’re clearly failing?

I am, by habit, drawn to parenting books because I like learning about child development research. However, having read through a couple, I  now measure each parenting book by how many glasses of wine I think I would need to get through them because they all make me feel like a massive, child-ruining failure. Use a bouncer? Your baby will never walk and will probably get scoliosis! Co-sleep? Your baby is guaranteed to die of SIDS. Let your baby cry it out? Enjoy your robot-sociopath! I think I’ve finally read enough to get beyond the point of feeling like I’m doing literally everything wrong and landed squarely at the point of feeling like no one knows my baby better than me, and I’ll work it out.

BONUS: For (potential) future kids, what would you do differently? With pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood, etc.

The second time around, I’ll definitely feel less smug about breastfeeding.

Even though we’re trying to transition away from it, if I have another baby who is extremely needy when it comes to sleeping near me, I’m not going to feel guilty about co-sleeping. I spent the first several months of co-sleeping feeling like A) I was failing/being weak, B) Everyone was judging me and C) I was putting my baby in danger. But the more I’ve read and learned and experienced, the more content I am with our decision. It’s what The Baby needed, I’ve gotten twice as much sleep as I would have without it, and nobody really cares what you’re doing (except Internet trolls, and they can shove off).

As far as childbirth goes, as you know I lucked out with mine. I hope my next one is just as quick (though preferably not on a major holiday). I probably would practice more with The Husband on relaxation and pain relief techniques that worked for me the first time in case a doula isn’t in our budget again.

And that’s it from Reanna. Don’t be sad – you can always read her blog and get more of her wisdom there (and while you’re there, learn about the importance of mom friends). Or become friends with us in real life and get an invite to Ladies Craft Beer Society (you don’t need to be a mom to be invited)!

some of the Ladies Craft Beer Society at my baby shower. It was an awesome taco-themed shower!

some of the Ladies Craft Beer Society at my baby shower. It was an awesome taco-themed shower!

Questions for you:

  • What other questions do you have for moms?
  • Are you part of any clubs – like a ladies craft beer society, book club, wine club, etc?

 

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2 thoughts on “Friday Five: Ask A Mom (Part Three)

  1. I want to join the Ladies Craft Beer Society! I’m sure there’s something like that in San Diego somewhere…

    I love your honesty. All my mom-friends seem to have the same feeling like “omg I’m failing.” I think you guys are all heros!

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